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colourful, hills


The Blind Leading The Blind...

I don't know where the muses take me, I only know that I like it!

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Sherlock Fic - Reaction, Final Part
colourful, hills
Title: Reaction
Rating: R/NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, and am making no profit from their use, more's the pity.
Warnings: Non-con and slash, Sherlock/John.
Summary: Written for a prompt on the kinkmeme: Before shoving him in the explosive vest, Moriarty fucked John, viciously. John makes it through the whole encounter with Moriarty and Homles via his own badass soldier nerves of steel, but afterwards, when he and Sherlock are admitted to the hospital for minor burns and abrasions and shock, the hospital staff find other injuries on John.

(Title page by [info]birddi)

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven


Part TwelveCollapse )


I apologize ahead of time for the length of this. My thoughts and feelings got away from me.

I have this odd and somewhat horrific tendency to, when I find a rape fic, read everything I have up in tabs and do all of my work and immediate projects before focusing all of my time and energy exclusively on that fic. I found this gem about a week ago, but the amount of material and homework I until tonight made me leave this until now.

See, somehow I find rape fics (and when I say rape fic, it encompasses so much more than just the fact that there's rape in it) everywhere I look for fiction and then feel utterly compelled to read them...and then read them again later. And again. Rape fics are pretty much the only fics I will read repeatedly.

While I have psychoanalyzed the crap out of this sick fascination I seem to have, I'm sure you don't actually want to read why I do it. As it is, I only half understand myself; take from that what you will because I refuse to elaborate. I don't have a rape kink. I severely dislike noncon or heavy BSDM/torture in stories; violence is a genre I read frequently, but violence during sex turns me off.

*sigh* All of that above has a purpose, I promise.

The main reason I can find behind why I read and reread rape fics (the one that has a connection to you) is because a well-written rape fic actually shows how the situation works.

They show the trauma - emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual - that a person goes through when they are raped. How deeply it can settle into a person when they are raped repeatedly over the course of a few hours to a few years. The personal anguish behind what happens, especially when it's someone they trust with their life.

They show the denial, frustration, and anger in both the victim and those close to them. The helplessness that the victim feels in their inability to get over something that might not have even left any physical bruises or scars. The helplessness of the people close to the victim, wanting to comfort them - to hug and kiss and cuddle them until the memories and pain are forgotten - but knowing that any reference to the victim's supposed weakness will only end in lashing out and tears and disgust and self-revulsion.

They show the pain, vulnerability, and shame that the victim feels in regular intervals before they are able to accept the situation and move on. And rape is something that people have to accept and learn to live with, possibly never truly recover from, no matter how horrible and callous that may sound.

Reaction was perfect. And of all the rape fics I have read, yours has moved me in ways that I haven't experienced before in relation to noncon of any kind. I can't really explain what I mean because I can't explain it to myself, but I somehow feel different. Maybe I'll come back and enlighten you. Who knows, really?

The way you portrayed John throughout both the ordeal and the subsequent week(s) were exactly how someone like John would have reacted. Sherlock, because of the feelings you show him already having for John, also reacted in precisely the right way. You know what you wrote; I don't need to really elaborate because I know that you know exactly what I'm talking about.

You wrote the rape scene very elegantly, telling us what happened without actually spelling anything out. I'm very much glad you did. It's not that I'm against reading a rape scene (If anything, I read rape with much more ease and less embarrassment that I do porn because I'm able to read it from a clinical and analytical perspective. It's traumatic and horrifying and not at all sexy, even if the people involved are having some twisted form of sex); it just seems to me that you realized that the story didn't need you to go into gruesome detail. What you gave us was all we needed to visualize the damage. For this, I applaud you.

Your writing style was neat and well-paced. Any spelling/grammatical/writing errors that may have slipped through were insignificant enough that I was able to ignore them. The timing throughout was perfect.

I would've loved for Sherlock find and destroy Moriarty. I also would've loved for John to fully recover and get on with his new exciting role as Sherlock's lover. I do, however, understand why you stopped where you did; we know that everything's going to be fine. We can go find a short 500 word drabble with all the fluffiness that would've come eventually had you continued.

You picked a fantastic stopping point. I fear I may have missed mine somewhere up in this monstrosity of a comment. Looking over it, however, there's really nothing I'm compelled to remove. So, out of all of that above, take this:

I bow to your greatness, Sensei. May I, one day, learn to be as fantastical and story-minded as you happen to be.

Love how you took a very difficult subject and made a very good, true to character story out of it.


This is a stupendous piece of fiction. Beautifully conceived and your depictions of the characters are utterly perfect. I particularly liked the Donovan and Lestrade POV moments-- they really enriched the story.

So many passages were haunting and beautiful and understated, I can't begin to list them.

I think this is a beautiful place for the story to end, but it doesn't stop me from wanting more! I want fanfiction for this story-- a continuation of John's healing and their developing relationship. :-)

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us.

Thanks! I wanted to keep the focus on Sherlock and John, but not forget about the other characters.

The ending was just exactly what I'd imagined to be the perfect one for this story at that point. That was actually what I really liked about it - nothing had been treated haft-heartedly, nothing had been exaggerated. You wrote this whole piece in such a calm, minute and charming style. I specially loved the way you had described each character's feelings and (re)actions in that clear, reasonable way. I spent the whole afternoon having myself obsessed with the dark and painful, yet irresistible feelings the story had given me; and that was quite an overwhelming pleasure to see a satisfying ending.

Thank you for writing this! *hugs and kissed*

Thanks! I wanted to show that while this might not be *the* happy ending, that happy ending is going to be there eventually...

I have to confess that when I'm reading a fic I really, really like, I always start to fret a bit when I start the last chapter because I always fear that the ending won't live up to the rest of the story (sadly, it happens often).
Thankfully, it wasn't the case at all with yours. I was glad that you stopped when you did. What I feared was that they wouldn't reveal their feelings for each other so for me, it ended just perfectly :o)

I liked the POV changes. This way you could write how Sherlock sees John: as unpredictable and how he's never bored with him because he doesn't react as expected. I'd never quite thought about this but now I think that it's probably one of the reasons Sherlock keeps John around.
This reminded me of that scene in "A Study in Pink" between Mycroft and John when Mycroft remarks on the lack of tremor in John's hand. I always liked that moment because it pointed out to us that despite the fact that John seems like a regular bloke, he really isn't.

I liked how the different POVs enabled you to write each man's feelings for the other. Liked how you kept Sherlock in character about this: unlike John, he doesn't realise what it is exactly he feels for John until much, much later, as he would deduce something to do with a crime. He just doesn't have any reference for this, I guess :o)
Loved how you wrote the way he reveals his feelings for John. He thinks John is better at feelings and emotions than him so of course he thought John knew, lol. Again, very much in character.

Loved it how you conveyed that neither Sherlock or John are "ordinary" and that's why they are somehow perfect for each other.

Loved how you were able to keep Sherlock in character while putting him through various emotional states, even crying. That crying bit was perfectly done, IMO.

As for the whole rape scene and brave John desperately trying to hide this from Sherlock so Moriarty couldn't get to him... mind blowingly well written.

Thanks! And I agree that some part of Sherlock sees John as just very weird and thus, endlessly fascinating.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. There is nothing I can say that another commenter hasn't already (more eloquently expressed and in much more detail at that), but I needed to at laest try to communicate how deeply this story touched me--the sensitivity and empathy you showed in your writing was incredible, and your insight into each character was truly astounding. Every interaction took my breath away, because I could see it happen--none of the way I sometimes have trouble reconciling or assimilating my ideas and impressions of the characters with the author's. I loved this story, painful and tender and raw and lovely as it is: the ways in which Sherlock and John take care of each other, trying to move past the enormity of what's happened together into a brighter future, the way Sherlock's exoskeleton of unflappable, alien aloofness is cracked and others around him begin to realize how human he still is, how he cares for John, John's unbelievable strength and Donovan's surprising compassion and understanding... even the horrific, revolting cruelty of Moriarty's calculated torture was fascinating in its own way, drawing me in against my own volition--unable to look away from an inescapably, fundamentally agonizing vision. The ending, too, while disappointing in that the reader doesn't ever get a glimpse of the "happily ever after", when they've finally made it through to the other side the stronger for the ordeal, when John can finally fully accept himself again and accompany Sherlock through the twists and turns of London's worst, we're made to understand that it isn't that simple, that it will take years and it will be difficult because that's just the way it is, but it's okay, because this is natural and this is real and one day they'll find the happiness they deserve. ♥ Sorry to ramble, but this soothed something in me that I'd had no idea I'd been needing, and I wanted to somehow communicate how amazing I think you are and how much I was enraptured by this fic.

Thanks! I wanted to imply that while this might not be *the* happy ending, so to speak, that said happy ending will be there eventually...


Gosh! I stayed up a wholenight to read this fic. I am utterly tired... I LOVED it, ecven if there was too much angst for me. Seriously, usually I can't stand stories that involve rqpe. Nonetheless, I knew there was it in this story and read all the same so, I cannlt blame anyone but me. Well, that said, and withe the fact I will stick with just fluffy romantic soap fic, I truelly enjoyed the fic, it made me go through a various shade of feeling and made me totally forget my surrounding (this f****** bird that forbid me sleep too).
I really love the end too. BUT! I really crave a sequel. Like *really*. I mean. WHERE DID OUR LITTLE MORIARTY'S SEQUENCE OF TORTURE ( physicall AND mental, let it be entire XD) GO, FOR GOD'S SAKE?! I really beleived it would help John to feel better if he participated in the vengeance. And since he could bear Sherlock's touch all along the story, I was inclined to beleive they would physically comfort each other. And i was pretty sure both of them would feel a bit cleaned by the skin of the other... Sequell? Pretty please?

Well, I say that but that doesn t mean I m desatisfied by this fic, at the contrary! I thnik I made it clear that I think it is a fine work of art. But still, their is a tast of unfinished thing ( why call Mycroft if we won'r have Moriarty found? Oo?)... Sequel? ( I'm obsessive girl...--")

So, hope I wasn't too rude. If I indeed was, please excuse it and make it the fault of te fact my first idiome isn't english...^^ again, thank you for creating this fic and make it good all the way to the end!;)

Thanks! And I don't think there'll be a sequel for this story - it feels finished to me, you know?

This story is absolutely amazing. I actually woke up 3 hours into an 8 hour sleep just to finish reading the last part.

Wow, that was really amazing!! I absolutely loved Sherlocks reaction at the hospital and him staying with John the whole time.

Thank you ♥

I keep coming back to this fic because it perfectly balances my desire for hurt with oodles of comfort. Most angsty fics go too far in either direction.

What a brilliant story!!

I first read this when it was on fanfiction.net and had been thinking about it just recently. I couldn't remember what it was called or who wrote it - but I remembered the plot so vividly that I could still see it running like a film in my head. I did a google search and there you were! I'm so glad that I got the chance to read this again!

Re: What a brilliant story!!


This was an absolutely wonderful story. We sadly didn't get to see Sherlock at least punch Moriarty, but we can imagine. :D

I also feel the need to comment on your characterization of Moriarty. He isn't just some fruity villain like in most fanfics (even in other stories where he rapes john), he's an out right bastard in all sense of the word and meaning. He's exatcly...what I would expect of BBC's version of Moriarty. A complete dick who enjoys fucking with Sherlock and those around him as another means to fuck with Sherlock. Gleefully so.

Does that make any sense? I don't know. I'm haven't slept at all.

Thanks! And I know exactly what you mean - I don't exactly see Moriarty as gay, because simply I can't see him viewing sex as anything other than another tool in his arsenal. He'll seduce if he decides the plan needs it, he'll rape when he wants to prove a point...at no point does actual desire come into it.

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean-I just-the feels-can't think-that confession of love made my heart sing and just...wow. Brava, and yes, a bit annoyed that it ended there, but what can you do? It was actually a more optimistic and hopeful ending that I'd have imagined and just lovely and awesome and again, I'm running out of complementary adjectives.

I don't usually leave comments, but I just had to this time.

I don't think I've ever read something quite like this. It's just amazing. The characters are depicted in such a deep, realistic way, the whole rape issue being addressed as it should - not in a black, dark, wrong way, too full of details and violence - but with the due emotions, respect and deep, human pain and sympathy. The right kind of sympathy, the one that makes you a part of it all.
.. I'm at loss for words: how the story unfolded perfectly, how wonderfully in character everyone was, how masterfully written the story is, from all the points of view that were chosen from time to time.
I'm afraid to say I've always wanted to read a story that dealt with John getting hurt (however you want to intend that), but trying to get through with his usual military, John Watson-y "badassness", leaving Sherlock to deal with unexpected and unwanted emotional baggage.. But this exceeded any expectation or fantasy I've had in the past. Ever.
Even though I was disappointed at first when I read the final lines, discovering that the fic was over - I now understand your choice. It's the right thing to do - not wanting to go in too deep, not when writing or talking about these kinds of traumas. Leave it to the imagination of the readers to figure out what happens next, how their relationship evolves, and just how much Sherlock will have Moriarty endure before he kills him with blinding rage and vengeance.
As I've written before - I am at loss for words. I can't but ask you to continue writing, because this is too good to keep it to yourself. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Re: I don't usually leave comments, but I just had to this time.

Thanks! I wanted the focus to be less on the rape itself than the aftermath. And as you said, I wanted to really emphasize John's stoicness, the way he always seem to tell himself to just shake it off and keep going. Obviously not very realistic in this situation, but it didn't stop him trying.

Wow this was great! It's such a well-written, moving story. I think you ended it appropriately--hopeful, but not too sunny. You really have their personalities down well too. Good job :)